Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
