lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
