about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
