you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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