I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
