I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
