That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
