Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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