it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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