What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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