alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
