Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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