So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
