shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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