Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize