Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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