It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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