For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
