I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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