Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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