i was born a porn star she said
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
