I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Betty ford says i'm here all night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
