how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
