I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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