Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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