Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
