Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
