Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
