i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
