Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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