as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize