Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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