I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
