the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
