The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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