I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
