She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
