I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize