Can i not drive my cunt home
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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