so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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