Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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