please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
