Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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