Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
