my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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