Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
