I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
