Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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