Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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