I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
