dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
