Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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