Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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