I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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