I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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