Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
