I just made out with a guy for $7.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
