Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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