I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
