if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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