just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
