Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize