I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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